|
|
Friday, June 1st, 2007
| |
8:25 am - Woozy
|
Hey girls,
I'm down 4 pounds this week (actually since Tuesday) but don't worry I'll eat a little so my metab won't plummet! I went running and biking last night, then took 2 tylenol pm and now feel like I can hardly function. It'll probably be a double expresso day!! Hope everyone is excited for the weekend if you have any fun plans!
The marathon is in 2 weeks and I'm VERY nervous, esp since everyone is comparing how Sarah and I are doing (shes a cheerleader) so she obviously has been following the training to a "T" and I got this damn ankle injury I'm healing so I will probably be walking more than running, but I'm NOT GIVING UP. No way. I spend too much time and money preparing for this damn race and I'm not going to fail.
THINK THIN LOVELIES
current mood:  drained
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, May 30th, 2007
| |
4:46 pm
|
Hello Girls- it's been awhile. My ex and I met up last week for the 1st time in over a year and a half. When we were e-mailing we asked each other how we looked. He said I looked about the same but skinnier. Vain, I know, but I was elated to no end!
current mood:  confused
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, December 7th, 2006
| |
10:00 am - Her
|
She is so perfect.
She makes me want to be perfect too.
Her hair always shiny and done just right.
Her skin always tanned.
Her energy always up up up.
Maybe it's because she is a cheerleader.
She is so nice too, so it is impossible to hate her.
I don't hate her, just envy like CRAZY.
I know envy doesn't do any good,
I just can't help it.
I wish I wish I wish
I try I try I try
But when I fall sometimes it's hard to get up
She makes me want to try harder harder harder
Make those bones pop
When I hear her accomplishments I think "so what? I could too"
But deep down I just want to be everything I'm not.
current mood:  gloomy
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Thursday, October 26th, 2006
| |
2:16 pm
|
So i've been really f*ing crabby and decided I need to do something or else my coworkers are going to hate me. So far today have had:
Coffee-50?
Oatmeal-150?
Orange- 100
chicken-150?
Carrotts-50
granola - 180.....680 so far and it's not even 2:30!
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
1:54 pm
|
Ok girls I need to rant. I have been so F*ing crabby over the last week since I've been pushing and pushing myself. At first the scale just sat there like "ha you want me to go down?" And today it finally did, only like 1 pound, which I should be happy about but its like its not enough!!
Then yesterday got my period a week early, and i'm on the pill so it should not be doing this. And even my bf (goes to school away during the week) said I've been really withdrawn lately. UGGH I hate how this makes me feel.
I just also found out that I have a meeting at lunch time and can't work out like I wanted to!!!! I have pottery class tonight and will have no time to after work. All I have to say is my yoga video had better arrive in the mail today or I'm going to flip. F everything.
I hope everyone is staying strong and optimistic, unlike me today!!
LOL I've gotta laugh at myself b/c I have cramps and want to roll into a ball. The only good thing about today is I'm working in an office with no one else (except people can just "pop" in) but I can be on LJ more freely today. YAY!!!!
Love you all
Stick Chick
current mood:  cranky
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, October 23rd, 2006
| |
2:28 pm - Good Morning
|
Hello everyone! SOunds like the weekends went pretty well. My boyfriend came home for the weekend and it was a good time. I even got up everyday to exercise!! Whoo hoo!! This gym being 3 minutes from home is a real motivator. I also stepped up my green tea to "green tea fat burner". Hope this works too. This sounds lame but I've been working out about 1/2 hour cardio and 1/2 hour on squats, stuff like that. I feel like if I just wear myself out I will get hungry, but I do want to work off what I do eat. Any suggestions?? Drinking Red Bull before or something? I've become addicted to coffee recently! I wonder how many cals in that. I only use splenda and fat free half and half.
I felt like I got hit by a train. Then why didnt I lose anything this weekend? Could it be I haven't had a BM (bowel movement) for a couple days?? I have been restricting, not drinking alcohol and downing water like it is going out of style. Uhhh. I've been taking like 5 different vitamins daily too.
I smoked some ganja witha friend and had like 2 cups of cereal and 2 yogurts. I think that is why I didn't lose anything? What do you think?
I have my teeth surgery (wisdom teeth) on 11/3 and hope to loose more when that happens. I am going to the gym at lunch today too. There was this woman there yesterday and I SWEAR her legs were as skinny as my arms!! So not F*ing fair.
Hope everyone has a wonderful day!
Stick Chick
current mood: confused
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, October 18th, 2006
| |
9:24 pm - Hello lovelies
|
Hello girls,
I've been away for a couple months, but this place makes me realize what is real.
I just bought a new yoga video on amazon so I'm excited for that. I'm really broke but renewed my gym membership on my credit card anyways so I can get back into my routine.
I get my wisdom teeth out in 2 weeks from this FRIDAY!! I am scared but excited that I won't be able to use my mouth for awhile.
Uhh I feel so overwhelmed right now. So many big events around the corner. Halloween, my vacation New Years. I looked at some pics from March and my legs were sooo skinny!
QUESTION: How much is the most amount of weight you've gained while binging whether it be days, weeks or months worth?
I try not to beat myself up b/c my lowest wt was 113, but now I'm 123. 10 F*ing lbs. It feels icky.
Hope you are all doing wonderfully.
Think Thin
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, August 17th, 2006
| |
1:37 pm
|
I just jogged to the tanning salon... on my lunch break. heheh felt kinda funny, but whatever. I'm trying to cut back on cigs.
I get this kinda rush, tell me if this is weird when I'm running on the busy road and just imagining all these hot guys driving by in cars staring at me....wanting me....it makes me want to go farther. Anyone else feel this weird feeling??
Any ways, so far today had 1 nature valley crunchy bar (180) few pieces of turkey (less than 90) and some grapes now. Oh and lotsa water. I love this no-doz shit!!! Plus green tea it rocks!!
Keep it up lovelies!
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
11:43 am
|
Gosh I wish I had a computer!! How many of you have your own computer?? I only have one at work so I'm constantly hiding my screen when I'm on here. It sucks, but at least i have my own computer at work!!
I don't really know how I feel today - good knowing i'm down 2 lbs from yesterday, but ohhh I feel like i've got a long ways to go. I hate myself for returning to the "old" me. In feb I was 114-115 and now I'm 122. Sickening. But its getting better. I'm restricting again and getting more active.
But what sucks is that I started smoking cigs again which I know sucks but it is an appetite suppressant. But then I feel like it's harder to run and work out while I smoke, my lungs hurt. Does anyone else have this same situation??
I just bought some No-Doz, taking that plus green tea. Hope the combo will help. I already feel more energized.
I was wondering what is the best way to take all your vitamins while not eating a lot?? They tend to make me sick to my stomach if I eat hardly anthing and then take these fat vitamins. Ugg.
Hope everyone's day is ok!! Its raining here, I"m going tanning at lunch, have a wedding this weekend!! Whoo hoo!
Stickstonebone
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Friday, June 16th, 2006
| |
9:04 am - Wow its been awhile
|
Well I'm back after falling off the deep end for awhile and then climbing back on, I'm back in the teens! Yay!
I know its stupid to obsess, but I can't help it when i see the scale creep up on me. It makes me want to vomit. I don't know why I stopped caring, I guess it was because I still didn't feel happy about myself, but letting myself go only made things worse. Sooo, here I am again. I started seeing a counselor b/c of all the messed up shit and changes going on in my life. It has helped, she is really nice.
I feel like I don't know anyone here anymore, but if you want to chat, i'm here. Everyone needs motivation!!
Thinkin thin
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, April 4th, 2006
| |
9:27 am
|
Ahh here I am over a month later and 8 lbs heavier. 120. Yuck. That number still makes me cringe. Why did I let myself go? Why do I hate myself for never getting low enough, then let myself go and hate hate all over again.
I didn't want to come back here, but I have. I don't even see many people I know here now. It does seem that long ago. I don't want to post on the site, just here. What the hell do I want anyhow?? I read this good thing that said women always think their lives will be better once they are thinner, richer, different job, except everything will be the same except they will be thinner (yay) or richer, etc.
I really hated how moody I was. I felt like I couldn't enjoy ANYTHING, not even fully appreciating when I got to see my boyfriend for the weekend and thats just not fair to him or to me! I was sick of feeling sick and weak, yet I still wasn't obtaining my goal of "optimal thinness". I heard the words "under weight" and smiled with glee. I don't want to be normal, but I don't want to be a psycho either! I don't want my life to be a black and white picture, because there are so many other shades and undertones to it.
I don't want to think about every morsel of food that goes into my body. It starts to get really depressing and aggrivating. I hated hating myself so much. I mean, I am not here for MYSELF and if I don't LOVE MYSELF, then how can I expect anyone else to?? It is just not possible. I know we've all heard "you have to love yourself first" and I'm starting to think it's true. I didn't even want Dan to touch me sometimes b/c I thought I was just lumpy wave after wave of cellulite and fat. 8 LBS heavier (which is where I was) he says he loves my curves and says how warm I am now. He said I used to always be cold. I said "do you like me warm?" He said of course. I don't know, all this sounds so lame to someone who has no freaking clue as to what is going on in my head. Thats why this place became such a haven for me is b/c there were soooo many people experiencing EXACTLY what I was and the same feelings, emotions, rituals, fears, anxieties, and the scary part is, I don't even want to imagine how many other girls are feeling that way that have never logged onto LJ or found any of these communities. I want to go visit some of teh recovery communities to see how they are. I used to think they were so weak and dumb and lame. Now I realize how healing they could be. Some people (most that are here) have NO ONE else to talk to and this is the only place where they feel safe. Well, until someone catches them, or cathches on.
I binged and binged when I left this place. I ate sugar this and carb-filled that. I seriously ate like I had never eaten before. I must admit it did feel good at first, but then when I looked in the mirror and at the scale and at my fat thighs and ass, ahhh the overwhelming guilt set in. I wanted to throw myself off a mountain.
But i'm not writing this to try and feel worse. I am trying to feel better. I want to recover, I guess you could say. If it is even possible to do that. I know it probably is, but it is so hard to not have those overwhelming thoughts haunt me all day. Well I guess I'm not as well as others yet not as sick as some. I really want to be truly happy with myself because what the hell is the point of living if you hate yourself? I mean, people in 3rd world counttries are starving to death and here we are in rich little USA starving OURSELVES, and for what? For some unobtainable goal? It sucks. It seriously blows to plan your day around 400 calories. You feel weak, sick, hungry, lightheaded and nauseated and then hate yourself when you binge and gain 3 lbs. Sick and sad!!! I am MORE of a person than that! I don't want to think EVERYTHING revolves around how someone looks. I'd like to think I'm more intelligent than that! I know I am. It hit me hard when I was on vacation and checking my e-mail and had received one from a member here saying she deleted all her communities and friends in efforts to recover b/c she doesn't think this lifestyle is worth it ( I believe her) and she hopes that i'll choose the path to a happier and healthier future.
Now I'm off too look at some more INspiring sites, not THINspiring ones. Happy trails!!
current mood:  high
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
| |
6:02 pm
|
Hello girls
I have a serious headache right now. I don't know what's wrong with me. i'm at the library and just looked thru this book Heidi Klum wrote and she had TONS of pics and it makes me just want to die. Makes me want to get fake boobs, live in the gym and never eat again. I wish i looked that good, then again, don't we all?? I'm so sick of hearing about these hot ass models saying they "eat normally" thats a bunch of bullshit we all know it.
On a happier note, after thinking I weighed a 1000 lbs. from eating this weekend I really kicked my ass yesterday and only am 0.25 lb up from friday which is refreshing. I need to get bikini ready in 11 days. I put my swimsuit on today and I really need to tighten my abs!! I've been doing the "bicycle" move and doing daily cardio on the elliptical, anyone know of any killer ab exercises??
I'm thinking of starting to wake up at 6am to go to the gym cuz i'm sick of a bunch of people being there after work. ANyone else have these social phobias??
Ahh my tummy hurts, I think I'll go home and make some chicken.
I hate hating myself. I wish I could just see what my boyfriend sees, but I never believe his compliments, do any of you?? Probably not, thats why we are here. I'm starting to sound like dumb now I gotta go. Hope you are all feeling better than I. Sorry for the lame post
~Stoney Boney
current mood:  anxious
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Friday, February 24th, 2006
| |
2:29 pm
|
I'm doing soo well this week it suprises me, but shouldn't because i'm STRONG!! I can slip my hand b/w my thighs too, (something I never imagined possible) and am 113.75 today. My doc yesterday was new to me and had my physical, everything turned out ok!! She pretty much wanted to refer me to the ED center, telling me how I should have a BMI of 20-24. And that even 18.5 is too little! Ya right. She looked wide eyed when I said i'm restricting to 800-900 cals.
My daily intake lately has consisted of oatmeal in the a.m., chicken, banana, apple, grapes, yogurt. Protein and carbs. I missed the gym yesterday and feel the bursts of energy just waiting to explode at the gym tonight!! Even my horoscope said I should go to the gym and burn energy. Honey comes into town too so I'm really excited for that.
Cals:
Oatmeal (150)
Banana lg (150)
Grapes (100)
Chicken (100)
Apple (80)
Yogurt (100)..............680 (havent eaten yogurt yet or apple, didn't eat all the grapes)
Plus....still going to burn that at the gym today. Yay me!! 2 weeks until the sexy beach where the bones will be a poppin!!
~Stoney Boney
current mood:  crazy
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
| |
11:27 am
|
Hi girls! How's everyone today?? Good I hope
I am so excited b/c i'm at 113.25! Never thought I'd see this day! whoo hoo! I am feeling great. I have my physical today which i am not so excited for.
Reading these books about ana is really interesting and informational not to mention motivating as hell!
***I have a question on green tea pills: I've been taking them for about 2 months now and am afraid that if I stop it will screw up my metabolism. Any advice??
Hope you are having a good day and staying strong!! Someone brought in cake for a b-day and no way in hell am I touching it!! I'm stronger than nasty sugar and carbs.
16 days until beach time!! I can't wait for my bones to stick out even more by that time!
Love,
~Stoney Boney
current mood:  cheerful
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
| |
9:36 am
|
Just had my blood drawn for chol and tri testing. I'm nervous!! Hopefully the results will be better than last time!! I think I stayed under 600 cals yesterday, which is AWESOME for me. I have my physical tomorrow and just got my period yesterday so hopefuly they won't make me reschedule! I am at 114.25 today, which is also amazing. I'm sooo tired today, trying to sip down my water joe for some energy. I just got wasted yesterday and am loving it so far. Almost done with my other 2 ed books. Hope everyone is doing well.
current mood: exhausted
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
| |
9:48 am
|
I guess I'm dumb to think that posting in my "private" journal is actually private. I mean, its not like i mind if anyone reads, but lately i've felt so embarassed that sometimes I don't want anyone to see it!! Oh well. I'm doing better today and that's all that counts.
I really pushed myself last night and ate really well and it paid off : 116. I am happy with that I guess. Today's meal plan:
*Oatmeal with grapes (150)
*Yogurt (100)
*Banana Lg (150)
*Apple (80)
*Chicken (200) I plan on makin a big ol chicken later!!
Minus what i'll burn at the gym :)
And then i'm fasting tonight after 8:30 so I can get my bloodwork done for my physical on thursday. Its nice the perks working at a doctors office sometimes!! I get acces to do certain things, its nice. I'm nervous b/c I had high triglycerides last summer and I WILL NOT let junk food and lack of exercise ever get the best of me again!! I've never had a weight problem, just "problem areas" I guess and I didn't really make a conscious effort to exercise or cut out seriously all the sugar and carbs I used to eat. it was embarassing when I asked one of the docs "what does it mean when your triglycerides are high?" and hes like "exercise more, take fish oil" I was thinking like "WHAT? You are confirming that I'm a lazy lard ass?" Then I think "what other 20 year old even knows what their cholesterol or triglycerides are?" I am not trying to be a freak, but i'm worried. So I have been kicking my own ass for some time now and we'll see what happens!!
I'm going to finish the a.m. at work here - my 1/2 day whoo hoo!! Then I'm off to the gym and then to give tax man another form so hopefully I'll get another rebate on that. Then, going to look at an apartment! So many things to do, so little time.
~Stoney Boney
current mood:  hopeful
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, February 20th, 2006
| |
8:14 pm
|
Mondays suck.
The day is almost over thank god. I'm really sick of this yo yo thing i'm doing where i am doing what I should be during the week without b/f around then when he is home, I eat "normally" which for anyone here constitutes as a fat cow.
I did really well today, ate well and worked out hard after work. I was too embarassed to get on the scale today :( And I felt so bad for the food I ate, I Made D and I get up early and went to the gym yesterday. Punished myself and will see better results further in the week.
Have my yearly physical also this week, whoo hoo isnt being a woman fun?? not
Hope everyone's weekend was good, they are always too short damnit. I miss sleeping the days I have to wake up early and then I wake up early when I could have slept in. I'm so fucking backwards.
Makin chicken now,, yum its addicting.
Bye for now
~Stoney Boney
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| |
11:15 am
|
Seems as though I suck. I fail myself and my life goes from extreme highs (dances) to extreme lows (Bruise, scratch) I hate this f*ed up approach that is taking place. Why do I let myself go with dan? I CAN"T. Ive got sooo much on the line and my sanity and body can't take the yo-yo effect anymore. I don't want to recall all the bad shit I ate this weekend. Reeses, dilly bar, cereal, pasta, alcohol. I didn't even have the guts to weigh in today. I went to the gym yesterday AM bc I was so disgusted. Lets start over again.
Today:
Oatmeal (150?)
Banana (110)
Grapes (100)......360 to be on the rounding up side.
Chicken (100)
Sandwich (170) w/o bread
Apple (90)
Yogurt (100)........770?? (Plus gum)
Plus i'll be visiting my favorite spot...the gym. Wishing myself motivation and resisting temptations. I MUST REPAIR MYSELF.
current mood: uncomfortable
|
|
(7 comments | comment on this)
|
| Thursday, February 16th, 2006
| |
8:59 am
|
(Doin a little dance) Yay me! Yay me! I got down again to 116 and my tummy looks better and i've been working hard even though chiro said take it easy. Ha i'll do what I want!! And I got this book at the library "the anorexia diaries" about this mom and daughter growing up and they keep a secret journal each to themselves and it is quite interesting! Since wasted isn't back yet (It seriously must be in the hands of every girl now). I am anxiously awaiting!!
Stuck to my meal plan and it felt great! Going to bed with a rumbling tummy is somehow greatly satisfying. Like I can say "Ha i'll show you dumb ass body".
Hope everyone is doing well!!
Will write later, i'm at work and these nosy F*s keep walking around. I wish I had my own computer!!!
P.s. this is my meal plan 4 today (I love rounding up):
*Banana (110)
*Oatmeal (maybe 120)
*Granola bar (180)
*Grapes (100)
*Apple (100)
*Chicken (200).......................(820?) - my exercises!
Well see how today goes
~Stoney boney
current mood: chipper
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, February 15th, 2006
| |
2:04 pm
|
This kind of feels lame writing to myself all the time, but i'm embarassed to let everyone know how I'm really doing. I need to start REALLY keeping track of my daily cal intake and make meal plans so I stay on track. Should i try to think of everything I ate yesterday? It might make me puke to try. I'm going to round up cals
Yesterday:
Oatmeal (150)
banana (120)
wheat thins (250 to be safe)
Grapes (100)
Cereal (200)
Yogurt and cereal (250)
Chicken w/cheese (150)
Pickle (5)
Reeses (200)
I don't want to keep going like this. I totally gave in and bought candy. Fuck me.
Today:
Oatmeal (150)
Banana (120)
Wheat thins (150)
Haha 420 so far. Plus my 2 green tea pills (that sucked when dan made a scene) and 2 bottles of water. Fuck forgot the gum, that adds like 10-20. I am going to the gym after my chiropractor apointment. I hate that I have to "take it easy". I never do. God my boss is nosy.
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
stickstonebone's journal